Big Headed Rider of the Hood
Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Big Headed Rider of the Hood. She was a professional mountain biker in the forest behind her cottage. Every day she would train with her coach, consisting of rigorous exercises to her one and only ‘pump-up song’, “The Eye of the Tiger.” One day while watching TV, she got a knock on the door by a hefty man all in green. Big Headed Rider had not been keeping up with the payments for her cottage water and electricity bill and was being given an eviction notice. She had 2 days to come up with the money, and did not know what to do. Then she remembered that she saw a Russell Oliver advertisement explaining how one can get cash from their old and unused jewelry. The only jewelry she had was her magical ring which helped her do so well at mountain biking. The power the ring contained brought her to a secret place to gain knowledge and skill on mountain biking. But since she had been training so much, she figured it was now old and becoming unused. So she hopped on her bike to bring her golden ring to Russell.
On the way, practicing as usual, Big Headed Rider of the Hood was riding up over and around trees, leaving nothing behind her but the freshly disturbed soil. She was going so fast that after dodging a couple trees, she did not have enough time to avoid the deer that was eating behind a bush. Big Headed Rider and the deer collided, killing the deer. As Big Headed Rider was trying to move it off the path, a hunter approached her furiously claiming that she stole his shot. Big Headed Rider said sorry, and confused by the impact, asked the hunter if he knew where Russell Oliver’s shop was. Still angry at her, the hunter sent her off on the most difficult trail in the forest, Mordor Valley, which was said to have enchanted powers.
Once Big Headed Rider was off on her way, the hunter called his fellow hunter friends and explained what happened, and ordered them to terminate her, assuming she would never make it out of Mordor Valley.
As Big Headed Rider was riding along, she noticed parts of trees chipping off as she passed them. Lost in her ‘pump-up’ song, she took out her headphones to investigate, only to hear a machine gun pouring out 250 bullets per second. She glanced around, and saw the biggest man she had ever seen, chasing her. Luckily his arms were too big, and he got wedged between the two trees that Big Headed Rider had easily ridden between. Just as the large man was getting out of site, Big Headed Rider heard him yell, “I’ll be back!” Seeing how stuck the man was though, Big Headed Rider did not think twice about this comment.
Continuing down the path, Big Headed Rider got hungry and slowed down to find something to eat. She had come to the entrance of Mordor Valley now, and all she could see were mushrooms surrounding the “Enter at own risk!” sign. She ate the mushrooms, and when full, hopped back on her bike in hope to make it to Russell’s before the night.
Slowing down her pace, due to the lifting tree roots, Big Headed Rider started feeling strange. Then, without time to react to her feelings, little pixies started flying into her face. Distracted and blinded by the colours of the fairies, she did not see the root she was about to hit when suddenly, her bike started floating. Thinking she was safe from hitting the root, she did not realize the aliens above her trying to abduct her. All she could think about were these red laser triangles now all over her body.
She was just about to enter the ship via the force field, when she heard the familiar machine gun sound. The large man was surprisingly yelling, “Don’t go in the choppa!” The spray of bullets that Big Headed Rider of the Hood thought were going for her, were actually going towards the spaceship. Within seconds, the aliens and their ship had no chance and were destroyed. Big Headed Rider was set back on the ground right at the exit of the Mordor Valley forest.
In the far distance between the trees and flying fairies, she could see a man on a horse coming towards her. Skeptical, and still slightly confused, Big Headed Rider asked the man who he was once he approached, and he said he was Oliver the Loaner Ranger. Excited now, she asked if he was also known as Oliver The Cash Man, to which he replied, “OOOH YEEAH.” She followed him back to his store and she exchanged her magic ring for enough money to pay her cottage bills for the next five years.
The End
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